Relationships of any kind take work and compromise — and having an avoidant partner can bring a specific set of challenges. Or maybe you begin by expressing why you haven’t mentioned your sadness over spending less time together. Also, the ideal timing and the best language choice for addressing an issue varies from couple to couple and from issue to issue. Nevertheless, there are some best practices to keep in mind when communicating with your partner. A lot of the research shows that conflict avoiders often come from homes where conflict was a bad thing.
Having a spouse who avoids confrontation can cause you to be unable to hash things out and compromise. Even if they try not to argue with you, this doesn’t mean they are lying. While it may be challenging when faced with how to deal with someone who avoids conflict, it is possible, so consider all the things you know about how to deal with someone who avoids conflict your partner and keep learning more. Moreover, it may take you being understanding to them, even when you don’t want to be, especially if they were trying to protect your feelings by not arguing with you about a topic or event. In some cases, conflict avoidance may have been reinforced when a person was growing up.
How To Handle Fights When Your Partner Has No Conflict Resolution Skills
Understanding that is the first step in communicating with an avoidant partner. These are just a few suggested questions that you might ask your partner to better understand their feelings and their side of conflict issues. Invest time to discover what you’re feeling and to discern the message you want to deliver. Some people need considerable time to connect with core feelings such as sadness, anger, fear, frustration, confusion, or guilt. Keeping a journal helps you to identify your emotions and sort through thoughts.
While these values can be adaptive and healthy, avoidantly attached persons also tend to downplay the importance of emotional closeness and relying on others. If you have concerns that you or your partner might be chronically avoiding tough feelings, potential conflicts, or other relational concerns, consider seeking some professional couples counseling. As humans, few of us look forward to difficult conversations that cause us emotional stress.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR PARTNER BLAMES YOU WHEN THINGS GO WRONG AND GASLIGHTS YOU
Many people dislike conflict, but in some cases, conflict avoidance can harm your relationships and health. While it can be tempting to bottle up feelings like anger and frustration by not rocking the boat, conflict-avoiding tendencies can take a toll on your mental health. Being conflict avoidant also impacts our relationships because we’re cutting off all honest communication with the other person. You may find it helpful to work toward accepting your partner as they are, communicating your needs gently, working with a couple’s therapist, and learning about your own attachment style.
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Offer support and patience where you can, but don’t get hung up on the end result. You don’t want to spend your time chasing after someone who purposefully pulls away as a means of control or manipulation. This behavior can be controlled by the avoidant partner if they are aware of it and willing to try to stay engaged and present. It is reasonable to set a time-frame for communication with an avoidant partner. ” It’s also reasonable to want to have individual time to oneself, like taking a weekend by yourself to unwind.